Dear Designer: How Do I Network as an Introvert?
This is one of the most requested topics from my students. But I should start by saying that I’m pretty sure I’m an extrovert. I took an online quiz. Sooooo, why am I answering this question?
I may not understand the social energy part, but I get the awkwardness of networking. I was a shy kid and constantly found myself in situations where I had to talk to strangers. When I moved to a new junior high, I wanted to make a friend before lunch. I kept telling myself, “Go now, just say something! Go!” Thankfully, she was an introvert and totally understood.
This is why I love introverts. Most of my closest friends and the people I work with are introverts. They’re thoughtful, notice the details, ask good questions, and actually listen to the answers. Also, introverts are super extroverted once you get them talking—they may just need a nap afterward.
The first conversation is the hardest
As a self-diagnosed extrovert, I still get nervous walking into an event. That first conversation is the hardest, ya know? For some reason, I always need to pee. Or I need to find a beverage, which will eventually make me pee. Maybe I have an introverted bladder?
After the bathroom, I try to bring the stakes way down. Networking gets extra awkward when you walk into every conversation thinking, “I need a client.” This person doesn’t even know your name yet!
I usually start with, “How did you hear about this event?” or “How do you know the host?”
Once I’ve gotten through that first conversation, the pressure is mostly off. And you know what, sometimes, that’s the only conversation I have! I’ve gone to plenty of events where I’ve only spoken to one person.
You might not believe me, but I don’t come to an event thinking, “Puno, be popular!” As long as I connect with one or two people, I consider it a success.
When I started Squarespace freelancing, I didn’t have an Instagram account or a big creative network. Most of the people I knew were from my corporate job, so I was basically starting over. My business grew from a handful of real relationships and eventually became a six-figure Squarespace design career.
Find helpful moments
One of my favorite things about introverts is that they’re great listeners. They know how to laugh at your bad jokes and rally off whatever you’re saying. They aren’t shy about relating to you or being empathetic either, so I leave thinking, “Wow, they really get me!”
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have as a freelancer. It’s how you understand what a client needs, especially when they don’t quite have the words for it yet.
The harder part is listening when your brain is having a completely separate conversation with itself—“Am I being weird? What should I say next? Do they want to leave?” I’ve found that thinking about the next question gets me out of my head.
I like to approach conversations like an investigative journalist. Ask people what they’re working on and what has been surprisingly hard about it. If they mention a launch, an idea, a new business, or a website that's making them crazy, keep asking questions and look for opportunities to be helpful. I usually follow with something equally low-stakes: “What kind of work do you do?” or “Are you working on anything fun right now?”
If people think of you as someone who solves problems, they will start telling you their problems. That’s really what freelancing is all about!
You don’t have to solve the problem during that conversation specifically. Maybe you send them the name of a writer or point them toward a resource later. It can be as small as saying, “Hi, I thought of you.”
Your peers are part of your network, too
Networking isn’t only about meeting potential clients. Getting to know other web designers may be one of the best things you can do for your business.
Your peers understand the work. They know when a project isn’t right for them, when they’re booked, or when a client needs a skill they don’t offer. That’s where referrals, collaborations, and friendships begin.
When I quit my job at 27, I had no idea what I wanted to do next. I was deciding between a surf camp in Bali and an adult creative camp in Big Bear. I went to Big Bear. I didn’t know anyone going in. I was that shy kid again.
Coming home from the camp, I sat next to one person on the bus who ended up becoming one of my greatest friends. When I started freelancing, she was a huge connector for me. She referred so many people my way and is still constantly looking out for me.
All of that from talking to someone on a bus!
Unfortunately, that camp doesn’t exist anymore, but—ahem ahem—Circle Day is even better because we’re all there to talk Squarespace! The same is true in the Circle Forum and meetups. I’ve been hosting some in LA, come by!
You don’t have to create an entire relationship in one conversation. You can keep showing up and get to know people over time. That repeated, lower-stakes interaction is genuine, too. It all counts!
You don’t know which conversation will matter later. You only have to get through the first hello.
So go pee, find your beverage, and talk to one person. You can nap afterward.
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